Whinese

Can I get an "AMEN" on this? What is the DEAL with whining being the only language my two year old knows how to speak? Even if she's not complaining. Sometimes I look at her because it sounds like she's whining and she's happy. This is unacceptable. 

Emersen has reverted back to terrible two behavior as of the past few days. I suppose we can blame it on a cold/cough she has had, but she doesn't really seem to feel badly. It's hard to deal with an irrational little being all day long. I get that she's two, but some stuff is simply outrageous that she flips out over. I'm trying to stay on top of snacks and making sure she's well fed a balanced meal to be sure hunger/low blood sugar isn't causing these fits. But today we had to amp up discipline and punishment because the way she talked to us is shameful. One of these attempts included a condition of well behavior (listen & obey/no whining/fits) at Kroger today in exchange for the stickers she always gets. Wes said "tell her no stickers if she can't listen and obey". So I did. And we got through the trip, after the whining/arguing a bit over the actual condition. Irony. Until the checkout line, of course. Then, I experience the new pet peeve of my mothering existence: the cashier who hands your kid a sucker without checking with you first. 

I know many times the cashier is a younger adult that hasn't had to care for a toddler/kid before and has no idea of the ramifications of this interaction. You (parents) should be able to tell your kid "no," which I do sometimes, but that's logical and logic can't be applied to a TWO YEAR OLD. Eighteen month old Emersen would have just been okay if I turned down a sucker on her behalf. Not now. 

We had a similar experience at church one Sunday during an event that included people handing out food. Two different adults just handed Emersen food - a cookie from one, a cupcake from the other. Number 1: I'm a mean mom and Emersen doesn't get to have cookies and cupcakes whenever she wants, much less both at the same time. Number 2 (and more importantly): Emersen has food allergies! Fortunately, as far as we know, not extreme allergies like some kids. These kids are the reasons our kids ministry posts an Allergy Alert of what snacks are being served. Number 3: The adults that gave my kid food were NOT people involved in my life, nor did I even know their names. Close friends and family know what she can and can't eat, and even then usually ask. Do you know that cream of chicken soup has eggs in it, and canned potato soup, and meatloaf, and cupcakes and cookies, and even some hard candy decorations? Never mind the kids with the peanut allergies! I mean, we do carry around an EPI pen. 

I do offer the disclaimer that I am a strict parent. Emersen doesn't eat candy/cookies/cake on a regular basis and not just because of her allergies. She can usually have baked goods. But we're trying to teach her healthy habits at the age at which things become part of who you are. We want her to think that eating healthy is just normal, rather than thought of as a diet. We want her to think physical activity/exercise is just normal, not something of a chore. I CAN control what she eats right now, so I want her to get the best start she can. Additionally, she is TWO. She doesn't have the capability to weigh pros and cons to make a decision. Given the opportunity, she WILL overeat and eat the wrong things. I repeat, she is TWO. As a two year old, she also still over generalizes things. For example, she thinks you ALWAYS get stickers at Kroger. You know what, sometimes they're out of stickers. Therefore, if you just hand my kid a sucker, she will think you always get a sucker at Kroger. But if I let her have a sucker every time we went to Kroger, that would be a lot of suckers because we go there a lot. And this may just be Emersen; she has an obsessive personality. Nevertheless, I know that a typical two year old will be unhappy when handed a sucker only to have mom take it right away. 

I don't want to be THAT mom, though I know I am. But I care more about teaching self-control to my child, as well as healthy habits, that what others think of me. However, I know how difficult it is to stay strong in your parenting and disciplining with a child, especially a two year old. And especially if you are the primary care giver and are with your child all the time. It's easy to relax and appease just to get some peace. Today Em threw a napkin up to the front of the car and I ignored it because I just didn't want to deal with it. That's why I want to communicate things like this to people who just haven't had to consider situations with kids and the ramifications the grown up has to deal with thereafter. You NEVER get to stop being a parent, or at least I don't think you should. I believe in proactive parenting, not just winging it. I want to be teaching my child appropriate behavior, not just correcting inappropriate behavior. I do not believe in letting "kids be kids" all the time to learn lessons by trial and error AT THIS AGE because she can't completely understand situations or cause & effect yet. 

I say all of that to say, PLEASE HELP ME! Please help me, and other moms/dads/grown ups/caregivers raise their children to be well adjusted adults. It DOES take a village to raise a child well; it's a cliche for a reason. Being a mom, especially an at-home mom, is (thus far) the hardest job I've ever had. It isn't 9-5 and Monday-Friday, it's ALL the time. And I'm thankful for the opportunity. But as we see parents on the news having made life altering mistakes involving their children, I think we have to consider how we can support parents so they can take the time to appropriately raise their kids. 

Rather than undermining parents' ability to parent by giving kids things - candy, cookies, cake, toys - ask the parents permission first. This will help teach kids not to take things from strangers at the same time! You know your motives, but parents don't. Similarly, if I tell my child to say ma'am or sir, let them do it. Don't tell them they don't have to - it's confusing for them because they don't know who to listen to (it's the parent that they should listen to, by the way). You can mention it to just me later. Same for if an adult tells a child not to touch something, it doesn't matter if you say "oh they can't hurt that." My two year old may not hurt your pillows, but I've seen what she can do to mine, so forgive me if I ignore your comment. Additionally, you might not care if something breakable gets broken, but that isn't the case for everyone and I want to set my child up to succeed, not put them in the situation to fail later. 

I know this post is reminiscent of a venting blog from when I was pregnant. If it's harsh, I'm sorry. Truly. I just want to open up communication in a non-confrontational arena and hopefully promote assistance and support for parents/adults. I feel like parents of kids that may have a handicap or disability have an opinion and look for the outlets to communicate terminology or behavior that is hurtful to them or ways that you can help them feel included with others. And I'm sure I should read one, because I may have just used the wrong descriptive words in my last sentence. That is what I'm hoping for here: understanding of another person's walk of life. In my case, it's the walk of life of the neurotic & strict parent, right? That's fine.

In the end, you won't screw up my life or my kids by giving my kid a sucker. In our case, just if you give her eggs or tree nuts. In that case, I'll send you the hospital bill.